The Best Bands Found on MySpace

As many of you have noticed, Myspace™ is now home to legions of bands, teens, artists, children, predators searching for children, children posing as adults for the period of time it takes them to close their fingers around quiet places, adults posing as teens and pre-teens in order to fulfill a desire to be treated once again like a child or at least to not have to live up to the lofty standards of adulthood, and all the rest within the amorphous group that makes up the unwashed masses. For this brief moment, though, we will focus on the bands. What follows is a selection of music found on Myspace – some bands are new to me, others have been found only in passing, and yet others remain noteworthy simply because they are about zombies. Zombies that eat brains.

Duster – what becomes

From http://www.myspace.com/canaand

I love this band. Their previous releases have provided me countless hours of enjoyment – the music that they produce being the ideal soundtrack to everything from sleeping to working to cooking to any other unsavory pastimes that one might come across. Music this unabashedly honest can sometimes get pigeonholed into the granny-core genre, a not entirely unpleasant moniker that could describe most any music who’s drumbeat would match most average obese Americans pace step for step. I believe this would be slightly unfair, even despite the chosen speed of their metronome.

Take for instance the track above; “what becomes” is simply a beautiful song. There is a level of perfection behind the subdued vocals and persistent organs that provides me with a level of comfort despite how I may feel when I turn the music on. It is a full body air bag for a train wreck of a bad day, a lullaby, a patient call to action.

Jonathan Coulton – Re: Your Brains

From http://www.myspace.com/jonathancoulton

I first heard Jonathan Coulton at a benefit show for a free creative writing school called 826 Seattle, a most noteworthy cause definitely worth looking into. Other talents included in the show were Stephen Merrit of Magnetic Fields fame, Colin Maloy, Ben Gibbard, and the indomitable Daniel Handler, aka Lemony Snicket who despite the normal prejudice of writers being quiet, judging, or maybe not infrequently pretentious, could play accordion with a great deal of talent. All of these people, though remarkable in each their own ways, lacked to sing a song about zombies.

This is where Jonathan Coulton shines. In the clipped and staccato style normally designated to emails and corporate correspondence, his lyrics provide us with a lovely picture: the last holdouts in a dying world sitting in a mall behind locked doors, outside of which zombies cry to be let in. Should one be so fortunate to meet such an end. And with such cloying lyrics as “I’m not a monster Tom, well, technically I am / I guess I am,” this song deserves a place on everyone’s holiday playlist regardless of beliefs. It should be universally accepted.

Hurra Torpedo – Stars

From http://www.myspace.com/hurratorpedo

There are very few things in this world as eminently pleasing as smashing things, which this band does with the vigor and enthusiasm of a group of people that desperately hate kitchen appliances. A more fitting metaphor is not necessary since they do actually smash kitchen appliances.

You may have seen the video of Hurra Torpedo playing Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, or you may have found the video of them performing TATU’s “All the Things She Said” in front of a live and cowering audience. Doubtless if you have you will treasure those memories forever.

Now to return to “Stars”, the song in question; there was a moment listening to this track which made me think of “Holy Thunderforce” by Rhapsody, or that perhaps this song would be best suited as the soundtrack when Frodo is deep inside the belly of a belching volcano. This may not appeal to all – the realm of emotions that can be incited by beating the crap out of stoves and dishwashers may not be that broad, but if it is something you would enjoy then this band could be the Niagara Falls to other’s ittsy-bittsy waterspouts.

And for another bit of interesting internet trivia, Kristopher Schau of Hurra Torpedo is also the lead singer for The Cumshots – a band that made headlines a couple years ago by performing while featuring a live sex show put on by Fuck For Forest, a porn company that donates its profits to forestry charities.

Such kind young men.

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