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Hanson The Walk Redux [3CG Records]

Last month, we posted an early review of the new Hanson CD, The Walk, and since there was such a large controversy among the six or seven Hanson fans (and Shrie) in the United States, I have asked my college roommate, Charles Bartholomew Hansen (no relation) to listen to the album and write up an objective review for the official release date, which is today. What follows is his honest to goodness analysis of the album.

thewalk.jpg

Hanson are big boys now. Some of them have even recently forced an attempt at growing facial hair. The Walk is an attempt for them to sound all grown up, and in that regard, they have succeeded. This doesn’t sound like it was recorded by thirteen years old girls, or even fifteen year old boys. What it is though, is pure radio friendly pop. I don’t really see how anyone with half of a soul could find this drivel to be moving…unless perhaps they were missing a chromosome.

I disagree with Andrew though, that the singer, Taylor, sounds like a male Shakira. I would fervently push forth that he is a dead ringer for a male Mariah Carey. The Walk is so overproduced that it makes my ears bleed, among other things. In fact, halfway through the second song, Taylor’s voice made my testicles shrink into something resembling grape nuts. Ouch. It really is that bad. The single, “The Great Divide,” is worthy of delivering a jackhammer to your skull. Check out the free sample here (thanks Maria) if you feel the need for validation (and are really that tired of watching Wheel of Fortune).

-Charles Bartholomew Hanson

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21 replies on “Hanson The Walk Redux [3CG Records]”

yeah, seriously, you hated it but you couldn’t help but make it sound awesome.

I would suggest that Mr. Hansen read Smash Hits or the equivalent to learn how to write a sophisticated review.

Too much information about you, Charles Bartholomew ~shudders~. Although the story of what befell your testicals does attest to the power of Hanson’s music.

I just heard from Maria that her comments are being repeatedly rejected from this site. I find it funny, that you guys would feel so threatened by Maria, but it’s also sad to those of us who believe in free speech. And as Noam Chomsky said, “If we donít believe in freedom of expression for people we despise, we donít believe in it at all.Ē So for Maria, I’ll say that I agree with her that the story of what happened to your testicles just underlines the power this music has. In fact, I’ll add to her disallowed comment that when I first read that, I was reminded of the scene from Raiders Of the Lost Ark when the Ark caused the Nazis’ faces to melt. So now I guess I’ll be put on some list of “banned posters” as well. Too sad, too funny.

Usounds does not filter comments, period. If Maria’s comments were denied it was not because of a Usounds editor.
On a related subject, Usounds cannot believe that of all the bands we’ve covered, Hanson has stirred up the most conversation. That – my friends – is the saddest part of this whole deal.

Maria sent me the login email address she uses for this site, and I tried
posting a test message using my own computer. It didn’t appear on the site,
and the post total didn’t increase. Using the same computer, my own
message got through. You explain it.

But anyway, since usounds doesn’t filter comments, I’m sure nobody at usounds will have a problem with the fact that I just sent my own login info to Maria. So now, when you wee “Dave” posting, it might actually be Maria.

Seriously Dave. Why would we start filtering comments now? You guys go ahead and knock yourselves out. I guess we’ll collectively refer to you as Mave or Daria from now on. I think I like Mave better.

How about Maeve, then? It’s pretty close to Mave, and it’s a fine Irish name.

I have a question for the reviewer. At one point, he says, “The Walk is so overproduced that it makes my ears bleed… ”

What about this album sounds overproduced? I have always associated the concept of “overproduction” in music with lots of overdubs and effects. This record uses no overdubs or effects. All of the vocals and instrumentation on the album sound exactly the way the band sounds live. Much of the album was, in fact, recorded live. Most other reviewers are commenting on the lack of studio tricks on this album. Mike Joseph in Popmatters said, “While none of the boys stands out as an instrumental whiz, theyíve all got a good deal of instrumental prowess, and the album has a fresh feel, probably due to the fact that the album was recorded ďliveĒ, with little to no overdubbing.” Where are you hearing overproduction?

this exchange is delightful. oh, when will the masses tire of hansen? perhaps never. well i can say one thing for usounds… i’m absolutely sure that they don’t deny posts or posters. they don’t censor their writers either. freedom of speech bitches!

Another question, then: since all associated with usounds adamantly deny anything approaching censorship on the message board, why do the posts of first-time posters go into an “awaiting moderation” state? Why can’t they just immediately appear on the site?

Maeve: Yes, first time posters await moderation but this is to weed out spam. Otherwise there would be a lot of comments about where to find good deals on viagra. But once an initial email/comment is approved, you should be all set. I honestly have no idea what happened to Maria. Sorry.

Shrie: to answer your question, I think most of us are already quite bored with Hansen. Hansen would be the name of the person who took “credit” for this sad excuse for a review. Hanson, on the other hand, with an “o”, is a fine melodic pop-rock band, and since they keep putting out good, compelling, music, I don’t think that their fans will tire of them anytime soon. Plus, as you’ve probably noticed, they’re loads of fun to talk about.

Please excuse my mistake in the spelling of the correct “Hanson”. My apologies… for eternity. I am, as you may well know by now, not an expert on the music group Hanson.

No apologies needed, Shrie. And, that was not an attempt to call you out. Merely a bit of a joke on the way our esteemed reviewer has the same name as the band he’s slagging off.

OK, after all this I finally got the album, it’s good. Seriously, the only reason to slag it off is that they are Hanson, world famous kid group from the 90’s. It’s kind of like how at first Marilyn Manson was not taken seriously because he’s the kid from Mr. Belvedere. Actually I think that’s an urban myth but you get the idea.

I’m not saying this album is going to blow everyone away, but it’s definitely solid rock music.

Thanks for a fair and honest assessment, Ted. I agree with you that the only reason anyone would slag this album off the way these reviewers have, is that it’s Hanson. Hanson have long been victim of what I call the “They Have Cooties” syndrome. Some of us remember how, in middle school, there was generally one child who was widely treated as a pariah, for no apparent reason. Anything that child said, did, or wore, was mocked, no matter what it was or how close it was to what everyone else in the class was also doing. That’s how I read this review, and the other review of this album at this site. All of the criticisms offered by these reviewers are either so subjective as to be worthless and completely over the top (e.g. “I donít really see how anyone with half of a soul could find this drivel to be movingÖunless perhaps they were missing a chromosome” and “halfway through the second song, Taylorís voice made my testicles shrink into something resembling grape nuts”) or completely non-applicable and indefensible (claims of overproduction and unmitigated lyrical optimism). There’s no mature evaluation of the music here, and also no evidence that either of these reviewers ever really listened to very much of it. Basically, this is the college music review version of “They Have Cooties”. Sad to see that attitude being carried beyond middle school.

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