J Ship’s A – Z (with Jonathan Shipley)

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LATEEF, YUSEF
A tenor sax great, Yusef Lateef (born William Huddleston in Chattanooga, Tennessee in 1920) has played with the best, including Milt Jackson, Paul Chambers and Dizzy Gillespie. He found Islam in the 1950s and changed his name. A note, now, from the White House: He’s a terrorist! Watch out America! Fear him! His name is Yusef! He’s Islamic! YIKES! His sax is probably booby trapped with explosives. He’s Islamic! He’s a menace to the great world order. His name is Yusef! Do you know any Yusef’s that aren’t bloodthirsty demons?!

LAUGH-IN, ROWAN AND MARTIN’S
It was because of this show that Tiny Tim (Herbert Khaury, a scholar of Tin Pan Alley tunes) gained his popularity, particularly with his piercing hit single “Tip Toe Through the Tulips,” an old 1920s song. Damn you, Rowan and Martin. Damn you to hell.

LED ZEPPELIN
They are the end all and be all of heavy metal bands. They had the seismically loud interpretation of the blues combined with mythos and mysticism, world music and British folk. They’ve now sold millions of albums, many to middle school kids who want to seem “bad ass.” “Stairway to Heaven” is played constantly on the airwaves. College marching bands play Led Zeppelin halftime shows complete with “Black Dog” and “Whole Lotta’ Love.” Crazy to think they got this popular what with the members of the group being who they are. Let’s take a look…

Robert Plant – This is the guy that sang that horrific song “Simply Irresistible” and, in the video, had all those beauty queen clones dancing behind him. Ick.

Jimmy Page – His full-time job is making sausages.

John Bonham – He’s dead. I mean, that’s not a very good drummer, is it? One who is dead?

John Paul Jones – Amazing that he’s so good at the bass in that he’s that bad guy in the “Pirates of the Caribbean” sequel.

”LITTLE DRUMMER BOY”
It feels like this song has been around forever. That’s just not the case. It was written in 1958 with words and music by Katherine Davis, Henry Onarati and Harry Simeone. The best-known version is the one sung by the Harry Simeone Chorale. Unfortunately, it’s simply known at all. What a crap ass tune. Lyrics include “Pa rum pum pum pum” and “rum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.” Wow, that’s “Pa rum dumb dumb dumb” and “rum dumb dumb, rum dumb dumb dumb.”

LONEY, DEAR
Emil Savangen is cool. First, he’s got Sub Pop as his label. Second, his music is like a Belle & Sebastian/Neutral Milk Hotel/Magnetic Fields mash up. Third, he’s got one of those cool oomoolattes over a leteter in his last name.

”LOVE DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE,” Rose Royce
No wonder love don’t live here anymore, Rose. He dumped you because you don’t know and/or appreciate proper grammar. Love doesn’t live here any more and there’s no mistaking why, Rose. You’re partially retarded.

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